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25 random things about me

Sunday, February 08, 2009 Jujiin 2 Comments Category :

  1. I have this undying attachment to the edges of pillowcases which I fondle with my fingers. It’s actually resting on my lap right now so when my hands release the keyboard it goes straight to it. I still remember when mom threw out all my pillowcases with rough edges hoping that I’d quit the habit. But of course all pillowcases have edges so it didn’t die there. The rubbing of my fingertips against an unnoticeable edge is a source of pleasure and calm like playing with a musical instrument that puts me to sleep in peace and unmatchable relaxation. I also rarely wash it. And my grandfather still has his.
  2. I won’t be able to go back to Japan after five years for reasons I won’t provide.
  3. My right kneecap was dislocated while I was dancing on the ledge of Joy (gay club). I felt the click and fell. Rocky left me there. Kolai came to the rescue and placed it back. It didn’t hurt but I couldn’t walk properly. They helped me get to the second floor and after a few minutes I was making out with someone.
    Same kneecap cracked again after a year or so. Why? I lost my balance while changing underwear. Rolled twice on the floor with broken leg up and there right in my face, the dislocated patella. Placed it back myself after counting from 3 to 1. It didn’t hurt. Crawled towards the phone to call my aunt.
  4. I like to arrive on time even when waiting irks me. But I’d rather wait for others than others wait for me. I wish more Filipinos would feel the same way.
  5. I enjoy exercise bikes but I don’t know how to ride a real bike. There was a time when I was totally into it that I’d attend cycling classes at Fitness First twice a day. I experienced two separate nosebleeds during class.
  6. I was a sleepwalker when I was a kid. Many of my relatives witnessed me in action and called it ‘the exorcist.’ I would often wake up away from bed, usually downstairs, with vomit all around. I could actually see myself (out-of-body experience) when I sleepwalk and there was always this big black ball following me. I wish someone had videotaped it. On special occasions, I’d talk or cry too. My family got so used to it up to the point that it was already laughable. It didn’t scare me though. I’m happy it no longer happens.
  7. Grown-ups like to ask kids what they want when they grow up. And they keep doing it especially when they find it cute and funny. So I guess wanting to be a veterinarian is cute and funny.
  8. A toilet experience is a pensive one. I would almost always catch myself asking, “ano kaya maganda?” that serves as an introduction to an idea that’s about to hatch or to doll up a current one. Sometimes even without the “urge” my feet will bring me to the throne just to force a thought out of my head. The process isn’t complete without…
  9. Cigarettes. I used to hate the smell of yosi. I fake a cough or two whenever someone’s smoking beside me. Now I can’t start certain activities without it. Especially going to the bathroom. I can’t start anything there without a stick. I can’t start taking a bath without sitting on the toilet first. It’s an OCD thing most likely.
  10. When I’m nervous I often feel the heaves coming. Joining contests like elocutions when I was in gradeschool was easy. The hard part was before I get on the stage when the heaves were strong. One time it just rushed and actually ended up in my mouth. There was nowhere else to put it but back down. Ew.
  11. I love to dance. But I’m awkwardly structured. My arms have a weird angle. I have very poor posture, drooping shoulders. And I mentioned my bad leg above. I hate to see myself in the mirror during dance classes at Fitness First. I thought I looked like a fool. But that’s different from dancing in clubs. I look good on the dancefloor.
  12. I love the sound of writing with chalk on a blackboard. I love the sound of walking heels. I hate it when toys are in Styrofoam packing because I hate the sound it makes when I get the toy out of it. I don’t like my singing voice and I bet no one does. I find it weird when I listen to my own voice. I like the sound of soft rain tapping a surface. I’m happy where I live now because I don’t have to endure the paputok on the streets during the holidays. When I was a kid, I’d always have my red Sony Walkman cover my ears when celebrating New Year and would only go out of the house when mom forced me to watch my tito fire the sawa. I don’t even hold a lusis just the tiny, tiny ones that you put in cakes. But I do enjoy watching fireworks in the sky. They’re often emotional and magical for me. I’m also scared of lightning because it’s accompanied by thunder. Whenever there’s a flash I’d hurriedly cover my ears in suspense. Like before I plug my Macbook charger, I’d let out a short scream with eyes closed so I wouldn’t see and hear the sparks. Does your Macbook charger do that too?
  13. I want a restaurant and I want to call it “Lola Baby.” That’s what we call our grandmother.
  14. I believe religions encourage feelings of guilt. And it’s not a good thing to endure for a long time. Guilt tells us that our thoughts are not in harmony with one another. We feel awful whenever we do something pleasing that others say we shouldn’t do. Religions say they are true which makes everything false. And they use that to justify killings because they are different. Religions tell us to do this and that so we’ll be rewarded. So we do as they say and we feel great about everything because we’ve lined up to the idea of being good. They tell us that there’s an afterlife where we’ll be judged. Will I be damned? Will I be blessed? That alone speaks of our inability to know the appropriateness of our own thoughts, words and actions. They belittle us. They make us feel less holy. I believe we have our own light, our own god, our own source or whatever you may call it that will guide us and tell us what is good for us and what is not. Because we can feel it. I know I do.
    We don’t need to seek validation from others. Our own light gives it to us.
  15. I pooped in my shorts while we were doing our daily calisthenics. You know how teachers make stupid rules about going to the bathroom during class or some activity. I was scared and thought I could hold it. The smell broadcasted itself around and the teachers were asking who it was. I stood still. Sweat dropping from every pore of my skin. Nobody raised a hand. The teachers came up with a plan: smell the students one-by-one. Oh shit. No pun intended.
  16. The only thing I loved about the first day of a school year was getting new things like pencil case with buttons, ten-colors-in-one-pen, magic pencil, sharpeners and scented erasers. Mom would always send stuff from Japan and I so loved the idea that I was the only kid with cool stuff. LOL
  17. I love cooking but I totally hate washing the dishes. Things pile up in my sink for as long as one week.
  18. I’m a first-class procrastinator.
  19. I’m not a conversationalist. I don’t know how to tell a story. In fact, I’m just flat bad when I try to slide words down my tongue and out my mouth. Especially when I’m in front of someone I look up to. That’s the worst because I can actually feel my whole body shrinking and transferring all energies to my inferiority complex.
  20. I believe that shouting NO at something is getting it anyway. So instead of “NO TO WAR”, we say “YES TO PEACE”
  21. I don’t need a piece of paper in order to “back up” my love for Paulo. I can still love him like I do nonetheless. It can still be celebrated even without the paper.
  22. I won’t trade my dog for anything else. He is the best dog anyone could ever have. I loved “Marley and Me.” Paulo said it was our movie so we watched it and we were surprised that it was a big tearjerker. Marley had too many similarities with Disco so our hearts melted like cheese in an oven toaster. The worst dog is the best dog because you can never get the love like that from anything else. Disco is really special to us.
    Right now he’s actually running around the house whimpering. He wants to go for a walk. He does this at this hour everyday.
  23. I put papers that say, “I am sexy” and “Juj, ang payat mo!!!” in bold letters on the fridge earlier today.
  24. I believe that our worst kick-ass enemy is the ego. And I’ve learned that the best way to combat it is to be present. Be in the now. Presence is the absence of everything that is false. It gives oneness the exhilaration. And to be connected with everything is the stage where you’ll sit side-by-side with love, happiness and peace in its truest forms and without the corresponding opposites that could be ignited when threatened.
  25. I miss Ivan.



  1. 21. <3 mwah.
    22. funny, i almost teared up thinking about how special disco is to us.
    25. im sure he misses you, too. but remember(in a sing-song tone yung "remember" ha), the universe never wastes anything. we're just recycled. he's probably out there forming the next great star. =)

  2. I find this post so sweet and well-written. Miss Ivan, too.